Nothing in the August issue of Automobile attracted my attention more than an advertisement on page 11 which has nothing whatsoever to do with cars. It was not the “jaw dropping good looks” of the watches on that page that opened my mouth in surprise nor any of the other features trumpeted so boldly such as the price of $99 (reduced from $899), three sub-dials to keep track of the day of the week, month, and 24 hours, nor the choice of three colors for both watch and watchband. What I keep coming back to in the ad is this statement: “A handy date widow completes this piece.”
Just what I have been looking for all these years! At my age dates with widows are preferable to suppers with spinsters, especially if the widows have been around the incabloc once or twice.
Unfortunately, no more is said about this feature so some questions naturally emerge. Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete? If she is handy as the ad claims, can she repair said timepiece if it malfunctions? Are her joints covered by the same 5-year unlimited warranty as the watch? Will she be as timely as the watch promises to be so that if I was going to meet her at seven, will I be on my way to heaven, or will she be confused by the fact there is no numeral 7 on any of the dials (sub or topside), and insist on meeting at a nebulous time such as when the moon is in the seventh house?
Until these questions are answered to my satisfaction I will refrain from taking advantage of this offer. The one condition which will completely halt any further pursuit in The Case of the Watchful Widow is if I learn that the widow’s present occupation is proofreader of ad copy for the Tidemaster watch.
Wrought Thoughts 