As if magazines didn’t have enough topics to cover in their glossy, ad-heavy pages, now and then some bright staff members suggest devoting an issue to a specific topic that will catch the attention of the distracted multitude. Recent examples to be seen on newsstands and in store windows are Esquire (Super Retro Issue), Travel + Leisure (Adventure Issue), Bon Appétit (Grilling Issue), and Bloomberg Businessweek (Heist Issue).
Here are some suggestions for other periodicals anxious to strike while the fad is hot:
The Attic Issue of Architectural Digest would focus on how the trendy set on the East and West Coast spray paint cobwebs with glitter, shape dust bunnies into quaint mini pots, and arrange storage chests into creative mazes that keep mice scurrying with delight.
The Heap Issue of Hot Rod will showcase the efforts of many a misguided, frustrated amateur mechanic who discover too late their barn find turns out to be a lost cause.
The Benchwarmer Issue of Sports Illustrated would feature athletes like the utility infielder who played for three Major League clubs over a 12-year career in which he came to bat a total of 46 times, compiling a batting average of .109, and the gangling NBA center who never took off his warm-up jacket.
Astronomy’s Way Out Issue would be dedicated to the first nine plans from outer space with much speculation why plan ten might succeed with a flying carpet woven from carbon fibers.
The Get Down Issue of Field & Stream goes down under to demonstrate techniques of dipping low to bag ground-hugging game with boomerangs while having the advantage of errant flings returning to senders who do not forget to duck.
The Lazy Issue of Fitness could highlight a dozen exercises that can be done without getting out of bed and promote three gummy granola cereals which require no chewing.
Rolling Stone’s Going Up the Country Issue would look back at the roots of rockabilly with salutes to Bob Wills and Spade Cooley, yodeling lessons from a disciple of Slim Whitman, and an interview with a Kansas DJ known as the King of Rube Radio.
The Bellicose Issue of Mother Jones reveals how most government agents and military brass should be wearing numbers on their uniforms instead of badges or stripes and suggests that the only safe food for human consumption is raw prickly pear.
National Geographic’s Alphabet Issue would cover all creatures great and small from aardvarks to zyzzyvas while providing the additional benefit of allowing keystrokers everywhere to touch them all.
The Staid Issue of InStyle would bend backwards to get ahead of the curve with the articles “High Fashion with High Button Shoes,” “Corsets Are Here to Stay,” and “Bustle Hustle.”
Smithsonian finally gives the face in the crowd a chance in its Finders Keepers Issue so the small-time collector gets to show off lifelong accumulations of cherry pits, key fobs, peach fuzz, warts, wooden nickels, and petrified pickles.
These suggestions will suffice for the nonce. Some zealous blowhard working for one of the health magazines is probably already looking ahead to the cold and flu season so don’t be surprised this winter to see The Tissue Issue.