Questions to Ponder 5

Some more questions that seem to float to the surface in the middle of the night:

If Frankie Avalon continues to perform on the oldies circuit, will he soon be singing “Just Ask Your Pacemaker”?

Do the infants who get tired of the expression “As smooth as a baby’s bottom” try to sneak slips of sandpaper down the back of their diapers?

If a man slows down the 45 RPM single “Louie, Louie” by the Kingsmen and listens to the words over and over, isn’t he doing more damage to the record than could ever come from listening to the lyrics of the song?

If I build a better mousetrap, does that mean it will attract a better class of mice?

Why don’t the companies that stick “This may be the last catalog you receive” on the front of catalogs ever follow through with their threat?

What would happen if I did put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up?

What if I am out walking with my ultrasonic dog deterrent that is supposed to keep bothersome curs away and I encounter a dangerous mutt that is deaf?

If men really are from Mars and women actually from Venus, shouldn’t they be going to Captain Kirk for marriage counseling?

Does the indicator a home plate baseball umpire holds in his hand to keep track of balls, strikes, and outs have a slot that reads “Time to throw someone out of the game”?

If a French foreman was asked to fire an employee named Raymond Blue, would he say, “Sacre bleu” in reply?

Would Emerson, Lake, and Palmer have fared better as a law firm than a rock group?

Will the fifth-grade teacher for whom I wrote that book report on Ivanhoe based solely on the Classics Illustrated comic call me some night and make me confess?

When zebras disagree while playing, are the disputes settled by arbiters called referees?

If that thunder really is just elves bowling, how come they always roll strikes?

Why is it that the same doctor who asks me to drink at least eight classes of water a day tells me to get more uninterrupted sleep at night?

When I go that roundup in the sky, will it be remembered how many strays I brought back to the cart corral in parking lots?  







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