Telling It Like It Isn’t

     In this brave new world of candid revelations and frank dialogue, euphemisms still flourish, particularly in advertisements as companies dance around delicate matters before bluntly pushing their product. Some of the favorite expressions include full-figured, male itch, culturally deprived, feminine hygiene, plus sizes, underprivileged, and bikini waxing.

For copywriters running out of ways to do the runaround, here are a score of weasel words to help score with the boss:

Body odor: malodorously inflicted

Halitosis: breath-challenged

Acne: skin-impaired

Slobberer: saliva-saturated

Liar: truth-expander

Unable to carry a tune: tongue-depressed

Bald: underfollicled

Illiterate: word-deficient

Clumsy: dexterously inadequate

Rundown farmhouse: rustically decrepit

Mushmouth: linguistic elider

Four-foot tall adult: height-imperfect

Lazy: energetically deficient

Constant candy eater: fructose-dependent

Repaired vase: formerly-flawed ceramic

Fidget: motion-minded

Habitual criminal: ethically maladjusted

Football player with bad hands: pigskin-shy

Kleptomaniac: possession-oriented

Used car lemon: mechanically defective

I would like to continue adding terms to this list, but I am just a klutz at the keyboard. Wait a second—make that faulty-fingered.      


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