In the Doggerel House 4

Some more verses about authors and the sporting life with additional quatrains about love in observance of Valentine’s Day this month:

Frost thought the free type of verse
Was like playing tennis without a net;
I think I can be almost as terse;
It’s like taking a bath without getting wet.
A famous poet was ofttimes frowning,   
Though he wasn’t above a little clowning;
   Asked by Mr. Fanning,
   “Want a good tanning?”
He replied, “No thanks. I’m just Browning.”
The ways of mating are indeed strange, 
Though for proof I can offer little data;
But I once heard a pastor say at a wedding,
“Do you promise to love and honor, through VHS or Beta?”
Football players should stop whining, 
“Our sport with violence is rife.”
That’s like a hooker who complains
That there are too many men in her life.
Proposing these days must be unique 
Like while skydiving or skiing or cherry-picking;
Now when a man gets down on one knee
It means he is holding and she is kicking.
Readers who walk in spirit with Dante  
Get to know well the home of sin;
When told expressly where to go,
They say, “No thanks. I’ve already been.”
Trash talking in sports is all around,    
We find it in both city and wood;
At a playground came this spicy taunt:
“Your mama don’t change your diapers too good.”
The age of longing is supposed to be 
The time of listening to Love’s sweet tales;
I missed that age when I went like a shot
From puberty to menopause for males.
I wonder what an agent would say today 
If Steinbeck showed up with his very best:
“Love it, Johnny, but the title’s a downer.
Let’s change it to The Joads Go West.”
The wheel of love keeps throwing people off, 
Hearts are broken as part of the price;
The ride might be smoother with crying towels
Or some other bawl-bearing device.
Christie was bride to Billy Joel, 
Paulina thinks Ric Ocasek is swell;
Love is blind, to be sure,
But it must be dumb as well.
The demands of free agents are becoming steep 
To play a sport before the madding throng;
One player said, “The dough you owners can keep.
All I want is a Boeing and the rights to Hong Kong.”    
Making love used to be so simple, 
And it must have been just as real;
Now it seems that nothing can be done in bed
Without something that carries the UL seal.


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