Public Diss Grace

     Periodically newspapers carry accounts of school principals carrying through on promises made to students who accomplish fundraising or attendance goals. The two most popular pledges among local administrators are having all their hair cut off and spending a night camped out on the roof of the school. Tamer folk have been known to simply dress in a bizarre fashion for a day while the very hearty (or foolhardy) have opted for a frigid polar bear plunge in the winter months. 

     There seems to be no record of any supervisor yet agreeing to be subjected to ridicule accompanying a period in the stocks, but it may not be long before public humiliation spreads from education to other occupations. Perhaps one day soon we will see sights like those listed below.

     A company CEO perched on the ledge of an office building with a sign around his or her neck reading “Honk if you want me to jump.”

     A professional basketball player completely covered in refuse, muttering a stream of trash talk for hours on behalf of SOS (Save Our Salvage).

     The manager of a pizzeria positioned next to the eatery’s entrance dressed in the costume of a giant antacid tablet, endlessly singing “I left my heartburn inside my joint.”

     A fashion designer anchored to a packing case at a shopping mall wearing a T-shirt lettered “Trunk Show for MEM (Malnourished Ectomorphic Models).”

     A chief accountant who, while dancing on a giant blowup of a 1040 form, juggles books while keeping his eye on the bottom line.

     A beautician having her hair dyed flaming orange to support National Neon Sign Week.

     An HVAC technician who engages in a 12-hour sitathon, alternating every 30 minutes between roasting on a heating pad and freezing on a bag of ice.

     A used car salesman who on Sundays only carries a little old lady on his shoulders to her neighborhood church and back home.

     A baker who willingly takes a pie in the face every five minutes for three hours to raise money for the Larry, Curly, and Moe Foundation.

     A roofing specialist who, after a tear-off of his clothing, is covered in tar paper and tossed into a dumpster filled with feathers on behalf of bald retirees of his company belonging to RRR (Re-Roof our Roofers).

     A lawyer who comes to the office dressed in an old-fashioned bathing suit and spends the day in the reception area getting in and out of hot water while washing dirty laundry.

     A chimney sweep garbed in crimson robe and hood engaged in rooftop table tennis while holding a broom between the legs while crooning “Ping pong, the witch is red.”

     There is no need to suggest ways for politicians to publicly embarrass themselves because having egg on their faces while out on a limb is their natural state.   


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