I enjoy reading the listings of homes for sale in glossy magazines, even when I am momentarily stymied by some of the shorthand used (e.g., “liv rm w/hfp, din rm w/cov ceil, foyer w/crn mldg”). The housing market remains stagnant, yet the glowing descriptions for these pricy residences make them sound like pristine mansions no one earning $250,000 a year should ignore. Could every property be a gem? I wonder how two unmarried realtors with selling through superlatives ingrained in them might converse over the phone for the first time…
Jack: Master Broker Paul Puissant with over $300 million in career sales gave me your number.
Jill: Hello. Gloria Gildlily, #1 in sales and performance, said you would call.
Jack: Gloria gives exceptional service with exceptional standards. I hope I am not distracting you from enjoying the impeccable surroundings of your sprawling French Colonial.
Jill. Not at all. I am just sitting in my vaulted great room which has been updated to perfection in contemporary colors with gorgeous upgrades throughout. I have some spectacular panoramic views of my large wooded lot which includes a tranquil pond and a massive ravine that is a delightful kaleidoscope of natural foliage all year round. Gloria tells me you have a charming Cape Cod near the water that must be seen to be believed.
Jack: Yes, it’s a one-of-a-kind jewel that rests on a prized parcel with a private lakefront. This must-see has a phenomenal eat-in kitchen, fabulous sunroom, oversized deck, and a sumptuous master bedroom. All of the sun-drenched rooms have been tastefully redecorated so it’s move-in ready. Call it three floors of fun living.
Jill: It sounds like the level of details and amount of amenities are unmatched. What sold me on this opulent treasure was its prime location, being close to schools and shops, situated on 2.6 picturesque acres with majestic trees everywhere you look. Everything has been meticulously kept and maintained. Did you restore your luxurious showplace to its original grandeur?
Jack: I did. Now the kitchen features high-end appliances and top-of-the-line cabinets and there is a spa-like bath upstairs next to the lavish bedroom suite. The unique details make it a truly splendid masterpiece on a highly-coveted .75 acre lot that seems twice its size.
Jill: Total perfection! Here the unparalleled craftsmanship and distinctive design of the lustrous woods, unsurpassed millwork, and the rich fusion of stone, tile, iron, granite, and brick in this tastefully-planned hideaway is nothing short of breathtaking. The soaring ceilings and expansive window walls make for a sophisticated free-flowing floor plan with loads of panache.
Jack: Sounds like elegance meets serenity.
Jill: Yours could be labeled character and flair.
Jack: Exquisite and immaculate. For you.
Jill: Splendor and ambiance. For you.
Jack: Maybe we can meet someplace soon. Someplace that’s secluded and simply irresistible.
Jill: Someplace that’s just minutes from everywhere you want to be.
Jack: The Wishing Well offers gracious dining at its best.
Jill: I’ve been there. It’s nestled on a hill with outstanding views of a sparkling stream and an appealing nature trail.
Jack: Its extraordinary juxtaposition of incomparable architecture and thoughtful interior design is something to behold. We can meet at the impressive front entry. How about 6:30 tomorrow night?
Jack: In that case, make it seven.
When Jack and Jill meet, they will learn that wishing does not make it so and, more importantly, that wishing does not make it sold.