Crunch Time

   Consumers can currently purchase a cereal created with the help of Peyton Manning, Kevin Garnett, Albert Pujols, and other athletes. But what about those greats of the past who are deceased or have retired? If I had my way, these products would soon be in the breakfast aisle of grocery stores. 

Mister Cubbies–Large, compacted wheat squares. Recommended daily requirement on the box: “Let’s eat two today.”

Starr Sneakies–Don’t hand these crunchy nuggets off to anyone else. They taste best when served in an iced bowl.

Kareem of the Crop–A hot cereal that ranks tops in scoring points on the food pyramid.

Bobby Bitsies–Pour milk on these bite-sized hunks of crisp rice and listen to the shots heard round the kitchen.

Foyt Funsies–Oat wheels of energy that beat hunger to the finish line every time.   

Steffi’s Slammies–You will hit the sweet spot when you serve up these waffle-patterned bursts of pleasure.

Yogi Yummies–Cinnamon kernels ideal for snacking as evidenced by the claim “They’re great to eat in the morning or the afternoon or evening. And at other times, too.”

Palmer’s Popsies–Fill up the hole in one’s stomach with these dimpled, puffed balls of corn.

Gaylord’s Grainies–Pre-moistened bran ready to eat. Thoroughly inspected by four men in blue from the FDA and MLB.

Demsey Delights–Glove-shaped treats that hit those 7:00 am growlies in the breadbasket and hold them down for a long count till lunchtime.    

Joltin’ Joesies—56 ingredients go into this perennial favorite that is sure to be a hit day after day.

Howe Honeys—Naturally-sweetened granola hardened into puck-sized chunks of fiber that keep you gliding along smoothly.

Sayers Sweeties—Marshmallow morsels that melt in the mouth, leaving an elusive flavor on the taste buds that is hard to pin down.

Paige Plenties—Sachel-shaped, low-calorie tidbits for weight watchers so nothing will be gaining on you.

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