It is almost impossible to walk through the aisles of stores without encountering some product bearing the words “As Seen on TV.” Each time I spot one of those phrases I think, “That’s a recommendation? That’s a condemnation! Get away as fast as your legs can move.” Put as much faith in those questionable gewgaws as you would in the following goods or services:
A book entitled The Truth about Marilyn Monroe’s Death with a front cover blurb from The National Enquirer.
A used car with a window sticker boasting “This beauty recommended in Move ‘Em Out Monthly.”
A Smartphone emblazoned with the letters LUDDITE DELIGHT.
A movie ad bearing this quote from a film critic: “Funnier than Adam Sandler at his best.”
Blue jeans approved by the International Nudism Society.
Carpeting promoted as being “first choice among Australian Aborigines.”
An electric shaver that touts its best seller as the Gabby Hayes Model.
Collector coins offered by the After Dinner Mint.
Plumbers who promise “We do the job right the first time or the next three visits during the same week are free.”
Air freshener called Artic Ozone that “eliminates odors and takes your breath away.”
Landscapers who promise to transform drab lawns into swards that “have the rich, green appearance of freshly-dyed Easter eggs.”
A baseball team that advises fans to get the best available season tickets in the upper deck so “you don’t miss hearing any of the action.”
Venetian blinds that open vertically for that “chic, incarcerated look.”