Past Imperfect 2

Some more historical speculations for revisionists to consider:

What if Samuel Clemens had been born out west and grew up around livery stables instead of near steamships along the Mississippi River? Would his pen name have been Harry Fetlock?

What if Houdini had been a postman instead of a magician? Would he have walked down the streets inviting people to reach into his mail sack by saying, “Pick a card, any card”?

What if Geronimo had never been born? Would paratroopers jump from planes shouting “Sacajawea”?

What if the Earps and Clantons had exchanged hostilities a little farther down the block in Tombstone? Would their confrontation have been known as the Bunfight at the Tastes OK Bakery?

What if James Watson had collaborated with Neil Simon on a play instead of on the structure of DNA with Francis Crick? Would The Odd Couple have been called The Double Felix?

What if Captain Kidd had reformed and had become a tailor in London? Would old salts have sung, “Fifteen pounds for a rich man’s vest, Sew-sew-sew with some needle and thread”?

What if the legend that Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope was true and that when he started his speech he read a letter tucked inside? Would his oration have begun with the words “Get rid of the stovepipe hat. It makes you look like a seven-foot pipe cleaner”?

What if Elvis Presley had lived long enough to become a despotic governor of the Bluegrass State? Would that period now be known as the Cold Kentucky Reign?

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